Tuesday, December 12, 2006 

Oops, She Did It Again (and again and again) Now please stop...

Ah, how things change... It used to be that when I would tell someone, "Golly, Miss Britney Spears is as comely as an autumn sunrise" they would enthusiastically reply, You bet! She's the cat's pajamas! Methinks I'd endeavor to court the bonnie lass. Thou must maketh haste to render fitting niceties, forsooth!

--There is a small chance that the "guy talk" was slightly misquoted in the previous section--

But now
it seems that she has become a joke. The sad, scary kind of joke, that is. In fact when I say I still like Britney people pat me on the back encouragingly and say, "Really? It's okay; things will get better for you." Then they take me out for ice cream and a new bike...
In fact things are reportedly so bad that even Bette Midler is pulling no punches when she *ahem* "conjectures harshly regarding Ms. Spears' promiscuity." Yikes. How out-of-control do you have to be to have Bette Midler attacking you?!? Not only that but rumor has it that even Paris Hilton has pulled Spears aside and said, "Yeah... Girl, you really need to tone it down..." I will stay far, far away from Fed-Ex's babies' momma; she's Toxic!

Editors Note: For the visual, I didn't have time to wade through thousands of web pages to find a picture of Ms. Spears fully clothed, so my Britney will wear a Napoleon Dynamite shirt. Behold:

Monday, April 24, 2006 

Conductive Rambling

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for the pot. You're such a great sister! I just wanted to voice my appreciation and publicly acknowledge your actions. It makes me hungry just taking it out of the drawer! Since I got my first delivery free, does this mean I will have to pay from now on? Regardless, I need more! I swear I'm addicted now... So let me know if you get any more in stock...


Behold! The pot in question: serving up some al dente pasta I made with pesto from my mother's garden!

UPDATE: I had some minor problems with my computer (nothing that cursing at it didn't not fix!) and since it wouldn't recognize my CF Drive, I couldn't post the second picture which was the whole point of the post! Without it, the tone was totally different (read: not funny), but running low on time, I posted it omitted picture and all! Well, now all is well and the post is complete, late, and now pointless. My work is done...

Sunday, April 09, 2006 

It Pains Me To Say This!

These phrases need to die. NOW:

"We make going to the dentist fun again!" (you know, back when their instruments were designed for ripping...)

"Come rediscover the wonders of the Renaissance!" (like the plague!)

"The most comfortable exam room possible" (besides my room with you not there?)

Note: This photo is probably copyrighted and was not taken by me. This should be obvious since the image is in focus and there's no vomit in the frame...

Thursday, March 30, 2006 

SaRob at Starbucks

Here's a great picture of Rob and Sarah at Starbucks before we visited the Body Worlds (2) exibit at the Denver Museum. Unfortunately we were not allowed pictures inside the exibit. Obviously, this disrupted my plans of choreographing still-life (no pun intended) fight scenes with the displays, to which I'd lose to.

For historical accuracy (and because no one took a picture of me despite how pretty I am) I have drawn myself into this picture. Try to picture us all together, and me glowing less.

Here Sarah has apparantly slipped a roofie into Rob's latte. It was very sweet of her to watch over him as he slumped drowsily to the floor...

All in all, it was a fun experience. If you have a chance, be sure and see any of the three body worlds displays, they are fascinating...

Monday, March 27, 2006 

The Ugly Stick

Hey Tony,

Have you every marveled at the beauty of a nighttime cityscape, only to be repelled by the squalid reality after a closer look? So anyways, that's why I didn't wear my glasses on my date with your sister; I thought this would be the most appropriate way to tell you...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 

Word Cloud

I stole the idea of this post from inimitable Cool Cucumber. I had to change it once since for some reason my first cloud had "Hitler" displayed prominently in bold right in the middle of the image! Enjoy the wierdness...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 

Leap Splat

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain...

About me

  • I'm Mark
  • From Colorado Springs, Colorado, United States
  • As a rejection consultant, I hear it all. I like near-death novelty photos, teeth bling, puppies and discriminatorily neutral jeers: "Hey clean shirt!" I am, however; probably best know for the musical I did with Hitler. Jake Hitler, that is. He lived next door and we knitted afghans together (when we could catch them; they run fast!)
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